


I Bare My Skin, I Count My Sins

by Wonderland_Awaits



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Canon Compliant, F/M, Marauders' Era, Rejection, Snily, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-24
Updated: 2012-10-24
Packaged: 2017-11-16 22:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderland_Awaits/pseuds/Wonderland_Awaits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus appeals to Lily one last time to forgive him...but it's not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Bare My Skin, I Count My Sins

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fairly terrified to post this but...It's just a short little fic I wrote a LONG time ago. I don't even ship them but I got feels so here goes nothing.

Severus stood in front of the castle. He was waiting for someone. Someone very important. He couldn’t remember having been this nervous in the entirety of his life. Not when his father drank and hit his mother. Not when the Sorting Hat separated him from her. Never.

And then he saw her. A shock of dark auburn hair among a group of other girls. He couldn’t decide if he was being a fool or not. But he’d made up his mind that he had to do this. He was proud but this was about her. He’d do anything it took to make her understand. 

“Lily!” he managed to call out as she was about to pass. Her friends did nothing but roll their eyes. Severus heard more than one of the girls say something along the lines of “Leave him, Lils. He doesn’t deserve to speak to you. Just ignore him.” 

But he knew his Lily. Knew that, no matter how hurt or angry she was, she wouldn’t just ignore him. She’d proved it that night when he’d threatened to sleep outside of Gryffindor Common Room. Even if she didn’t have anything nice to say to him, at least she was acknowledging him. And that’s honestly more than thought he deserved.

“What is it, Severus?” she asked him, a slight chill in her voice. Oh, who was he kidding, that voice was cold as ice. But at least she’d speak to him. 

“…how have you been?” he inquired. Sure, it was weak and unlikely to work but he had to try.

“I’m fine, thank you. Not that you care how a mudblood like myself is doing,” she bit back, “but yes, I’m fine. Now, what is it that’s so important?”

“I just wanted to tell you—“ Severus started but was quickly cut off by the redhead before him.

“Save it, Snape. You’re sorry you called me a mudblood. I get it. You’re sorry that it made me realize that everyone was right about you. I’m not interested.” And with that, she turned to walk away.

“Lily! Please wait!” She paused but refused to look at the boy behind her. “I’m not sorry that you’re mad. I understand that. It was deplorable and disgusting and a lot of other really horrid things. Honestly I understand. But you’ve been my best friend for years. You mean the world to me, Lily, don’t you understand that?” Snape choked out. He never spoke to anyone so freely. 

“You…Lily you’re everything to me. And if things can’t be like they were, then can we at least be civil? Please? I just—I don’t know what to do with my life if you’re no longer in it.” He looked away. He knew that she thought that he meant he didn’t remember a time without her in his life. Not a good time, in any case. But only he knew what he truly meant. He meant that a life without her wasn’t really a life worth living. Only he knew how deeply in love he was with the auburn-haired Gryffindor.

Lily shook her head. She’d heard it all from him more than once but he couldn’t accept losing her. He just couldn’t. She finally turned to face him. “Severus,” she began, “I’m sorry that things had to turn out this way. I truly am. But what you did, intentional or not, can’t be fixed. You showed your true colors to me that day. And I’m sorry but I can no longer be your friend. I really don’t even want to speak to you unless I have to. But I feel that, due to our long-time friendship, I have to tell you…it won’t ever be the same again. I’m so sorry. But you did this to yourself. Goodbye Severus…”

And with that, the love of his life walked away. And he knew her to be the love of his life. He’d never felt as alive as when he was around her. Never known happiness like he’d experienced all of those years with her. She was his shining light. And he’d shut himself away from her forever. He could do nothing but learn how to live without her. And he did. But it was not the life he’d have chosen for himself all those years ago. Not the life he’d wanted when he met the young muggle-born witch with the flower. 

Somewhere between that day and the day when he’d put his reputation before her, he’d fallen so deeply in love that he’d never let go. He replayed the moment that he lost her over and over again in his mind. He tried to think of a way to fix the damage he’d done. But according to her, there was nothing more he could do. But even with that knowledge he knew that he would always love her. Always.


End file.
